Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
