This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
