Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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