I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
