I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize