When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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