Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
