I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
