my vag is so smooth its legendary
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
