Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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