I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
