My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
