obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
