you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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