Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
