1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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