There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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