I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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