this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just pee around me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
