OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
