you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
