none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
