Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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