Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
