OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
