i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he puts the penis in happiness.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
