You're my little dorito
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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