So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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