actually, I'm a sock model
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
