THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
