saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
