Dual....:-)
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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