Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think I won the penis lottery.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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