Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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