So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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