I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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