We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
