It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
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Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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