dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
