im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
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im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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