We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
