your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
