I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
