I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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