I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
