How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
