he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
