Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
