I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
