Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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