Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
