I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
