its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
