If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
