Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
