dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
soo... how was my night?
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