just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
