My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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