Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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