dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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