Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
