i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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