Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
