I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
