I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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