her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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