I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
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