Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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