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there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
