Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
