my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
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Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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