one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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