We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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