What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
