She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
