Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
