Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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